Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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