I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
