it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
