How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
