I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
