only if we run a train.
done.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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