three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
