i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
