So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
