you didnt know i had herpes?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
