that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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