I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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