Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
