Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
