Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
