I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
