So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just crazy horny about you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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