You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
