nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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