Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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