WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
