"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
