dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
