I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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