Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
