well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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