question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
