he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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