Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
