You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
