you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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