When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
