there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
