If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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