My room smells like vodka and shame
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
