how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
