Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
