my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
