Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
