we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
