Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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