just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
