she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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