So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
