I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
