you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
