so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
