i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
