Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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