In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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