he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
