3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
