please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
