tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
