Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
